The First

Number 1 was a sweet girl. My current thoughts of her: Wanting a second chance. She is still the only one who I can still bear thought of. I found her incredibly attractive and I set my phasers to stun. This wasn't the first crush I've had, but it was the first one I acted on. I made my moves hoping thing would work out, but I never took a big leap. I would talk to her as often as possible and soon she was the only girl on my mind. One day she told me of how she liked a boy. I won't forget the day. I was laying in bed while the television was droning in the background, and she told me there was a boy who caught her interest. My heart dropped. I was practically in love with the girl and she's into someone else. I asked who and she wouldn't say. A slight idea sparked in my head and a beacon of hope took over me and I asked her. "Is it me?"

She quickly replied with a negative and I was crushed all over again. Well already losing interest in her, I was curious and I began to prod her for the answer. Finally she gave in and told me she lied. I knew exactly what she meant but in fear of jumping the gun, I played possum. She said kept indicating that I actually knew what her meaning was and I kept replying as if I was oblivious while my heart was racing. She finally gave in and she confessed she liked me. By this point my mind was racing and I didn't know how to react. I wasn't ready for a girlfriend so I dug for an excuse contrary to my feelings toward her. She was already seeing someone else, so I played that hand. I told her I didn't want her to leave another person for me, even though she complained to be unhappy with her current relationship. After apologizing for twenty minutes, I sealed the deal for the worse.

Number 1 misinterpreted my answer as rejection and our short time left as friends was awkward. Just days later I was contacted by her current boyfriend. He warned me to "stay the fuck away from her" and proceeded to use foul language, notifying me of my own inconsiderate behaviors. I was pretty livid due to the fact that I made the honest decision. He didn't understand that it wasn't I who actually made the lunge. So I sent him record of the conversations showing him exactly how it played out. He then apologized and made a request. He asked me to stop all contact with her. Regrettably, I told him yes.

At this point I don't seem like an asshole. There's an explanation for that, "The Road to Hell Was Paved With Good Intentions". So at that point it was done. I was forbidden from talking to her anymore and it did hurt. They stayed together and I remained miserable. Life began to change for me, so the distractions kept me busy.